my husband, the yankee.

Here's the thing.  I am from Texas.  Born and raised.  Cockroaches, snakes and armadillos are just something that we learn to deal with.  When I met Jason, and started to get to know him some cultural differences would come up.  not anything big, just some differences.  For instance, there was a time in his appartment when suddenly a cockroach appeared and needed to be dealt with. You know that saying, everything's bigger in Texas? well, i am pretty sure they were talking about the cockroach when they made it up.  So, to be fair, our cockroaches are big.  Like, small cat big.  So, I get it... they are icky... and BIG.  But generally, it's nothing your average shoe can't handle.  you just give 'em a whack or two and that does the trick.  you pick up the dead bug with a paper towel, put it in the toilet and flush it away.

Not if your from Ohio.

First of all, Jason says only "dirty" people get roaches in Ohio.  In Texas, roaches are like t.v.s everyone's got them.  And the roaches he's talking about are the dirty people roaches, the little brown ones, not the HUGE BLACK ONES we have here.  So, his approach to killing the mischevious creature????

Grab a can of raid.  make sure it's full, cause your going to use the whole damn can for ONE roach.  Aim. Spray. Spray the entire can. when the thing is no longer kicking, grab your squeeze mop, the kind that folds in half to drain water.  Pick up roach between the sponges, squeeze and RUN to the toilet to dispose of it. 

So... now that we live in the suburbs and have our own yard, a few more creatures have made appearances.  We have birds in our shrubs.  and a rabbit has taken up residence in our flower bed.  Well the other night we are in the backyard and jason is pulling weeds.  Suddenly he JUMPS UP and RUNS to the patio.  He proceeds to tell me there is a SNAKE in that bush.

I hate snakes. 

Like... i can barely watch them on t.v.  I can't walk through the snake exhibit in the zoo.  ICKYICKYICKY.

the following conversation ensued:

C: YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE TO KILL THAT SNAKE.

J: I don't Kill things!

C: well, you're going to have to kill that snake.

J: WHAT? (he goes inside, returns with the laptop. proceeds to google Texas Snakes to see what kind it is...)

C: I DON'T CARE WHAT KIND IT IS... IT NEEDS TO BE DEAD.

J: what if it's not poisonous. they kill mice and stuff. we don't want mice.

C: I DON'T WANT SNAKES!!!!!!!!!(I am becoming IRRATIONAL at this point... SNAKE. IN THE YARD.)

J: it kinda looks like this one... not poisonous.

C: Step one: put on your rubber boots. step two: get your shovel.

J: what am i going to do with a shovel? beat it?

C: KILL IT! YOU CHOP IT IN HALF!

J: I think i am just going to call pest control.

C: don't call pest control. i will be embarassed. (My good friend Kristi and her husband Andy run a pest control company... we are their clients... that means calling pest control is calling OUR FRIENDS to tell them we have a snake. what do we do? they respond... KILL IT!!!)

C: I guess we are going to have to get a pig.

J: WHAT?

C: I don't know... snakes hate pigs.  we never had any snakes on our pig farm. (pretty sure at this point he thinks he's married Ellie Mae Clampit)

J: well i don't see YOU jumping up to kill it...

C: I'm freaking pregnant! with your unborn CHILD.

he never did kill that snake.  it's not in our yard anymore... i am hoping it went to one of our neighbors yards and they killed it.

Comments

[Aimee Ladewig]

Carrie that is freaking hilarious! Thanks for the morning laugh.

[Mom]

Yes, we have bigger and better critters. . .poor Cassie always lost her bread to the armadillo. . .and I can't even remember how many snakes I killed...and of course, don't forget the possum in our swimming pool - Matt had Jason-like issues with that one - oh yes, and one more critter story - the raccoon family that always came up to the patio door to enjoy the Christmas tree lights!

[Carrie Miller]

omg. jason did marry ellie mae clampit. I totally forgot about the racoons and the christmas tree lights. and about the entire family of possums that lived in our tree.